I write this in response to the comments to my previous post.
Yes, I opened the discussion. No, I do not expect you to agree with me or my decisions. At the same time, it is not your place to judge the decisions Paul and I make for our family. I do not judge the decisions you all choose to make, for it is not my place.
Just what, exactly, do you mean by "it shows in your children"? You seem to be saying that my children are somehow less "acceptable" than your own, which I would wholeheartedly disagree with. Both Mandy and Andrew are great, well loved children who receive nothing but compliments from the rest of the world.
Yes, Mandy is willful. That has always been her personality, from the moment she was born. Ask Paul. I do not think that being a stay-at-home Mom would have changed that. If anything, it would have made me spoil her even more than she already is. And no, before you say anything to that, she is not spoiled because she was in daycare and I felt guilty about it. (I know you are dying to make that comment)
Mandy is my daughter. She is beautiful, friendly, kind, thoughtful, and intelligent. And I let her know all the time. As a result, she has a big head. She is extremely confident, and I am immensely proud of her. She is the exact opposite of Andrew in so many ways.
Andrew is intelligent, artistic, and all boy. He is quiet, somewhat shy, but friendly when he gets to know you. He loves to build and invent things. Drawing is a passion of his. He is fiercely loyal to his friends. He too is handsome and kind. He is the kind of boy everyone wants to be friends with.
Mandy and Andrew both take great pleasure in helping others. They love to help those less fortunate than they are. When we went to the food kitchen this Thanksgiving, they could not believe how many people are unable to feed their families. They both want to do more to help, and asked if we could go again at Christmas. Andrew even went back to school and told his friends about it, hoping they would help, too.
So, please, tell me how could my children be any more perfect? I makes me sad that you feel a need to be so judgmental. I have supported the decisions you make, even though they are not the right ones for my family. We each do what we feel is best for our families. I do not look back with regrets, ever. I hope you do not, either.
Love to all.
5 comments:
Regrets? I have a few. Only a few. I can count them on one hand. Plus one extra finger. No, wait. Lets just call it two hands. Those moments, that instant in time that I made a mistake I could never take back or fix, that an opportunity passed by that I will never be able to lay hold of again...yeah, I have a few regrets. Half of them involve my children. The other half were strangers. The moment each happened is emblazoned in my memory, crystal clear. Maybe that's why old people, when their minds are weaker, tend to remember more their regrets. Much more frequently, I make correctable mistakes. I recognize them, adjust, change my attitude, my tactics, apologize, and press on. Isn't it Socrates who said, "An unexamined life is not worth living"? How can you have lived a life without error? How can you be so prideful as to think you've done nothing worthy of regret?
And how is it that you can read my mind? Do you really want to open up that can of worms? I have never NOT said what I thought to you. I have never wanted a shallow relationship with you, and so I've been open. In the past six years, I've seen so much change in you, so much growth, and yet, still, you think it's all about you.
If you really have no regrets, I see no reason to continue on with this blog. If you can't own up to your mistakes, you aren't ever going to bridge this gaping chasm you've managed to dig between yourself and the rest of the family. It's what's called growing up. Not many people do it anymore, but it's actually quite nice.
Also, I'm pretty sure those people get hungry in between holidays.
Jessie,
I have to wonder at the real purpose of this blog. Is your goal here simply to deny the validity of anything Jennie may have said to you? Or are you actually hoping to forge a relationship here? I'm a bit confused and dismayed at the direction this is all going.
Some things need to be said and aired out before we can move on, I suppose. And maybe here is as good a venue as any to accomplish that. But if you insist that you have no faults to acknowledge, no regrets in any choice or action you've ever made, that you and your children and your family have reached perfection in everything, then you are saying that the fault for our lack of any recognizable relationship must lay squarely on my shoulders.
I am willing to share the blame, sister. But I am not willing to shoulder it all.
I love you.
Hiya all,
I just found out that this blog existed--my e-mail address has changed since last you blogged,Jessie, so I guess it didn't get to me. So, I haven't been participating in the "discussions".
I'd like to say, firstly, that I have no judgements on the decisions you've made for your family. Though I wish you had decided to stay closer to NJ so that we might be able to see each other and form a personal relationship, I assume that your decisions have benefitted your family, not harmed it. From what I know of your family, everything seems to be working well for you.
I try very hard not to impose my opinion of how my family should operate on anyone else's family -- after all, we are all distinct individuals with personalities and character traits that make us all suitable for different life styles. What one person considers to be a perfect way to raise a family, another might find to be completely ridiculous and unhealthy. To each his own.
As I read this blog, I think to myself, "Why is she trying to justify her life to us?" I don't recall every saying anything to make you feel like I disapprove of your family or your choices and if I have, I apologize. I try to base my opinions of people on observable behaviors and the direct contact I have with them. In our case, Jessie, we have few personal visits on which to base our opinions of each other.
I think that that distance is partly to blame for our stilted relationship. Perhaps we find it difficult to communicate because we don't know enough about each other to feel comfortable in conversation. Perhaps we each suspect the other of being disapproving. Perhaps, we are stuck in seeing each other as we were in our youth and don't know how to move on from there. What do we have in common? I don't know, but the only way we will find out is by talking.
But certainly, if we spoke regularly, if we felt free to express ourselves without judging, we could become the friends we were in our youth.
We can't start fresh -- there is no such thing when you have a past relationship -- but we can try to start in a new direction. The only way to do that is to find out what was wrong to begin with and make changes.
I think that's all I have to say for now, and I'm not sure it was really coherent, but I love you and I'd like to know you.
Oh, and I would like to add that the confrontational, "I'm right, your wrong" attitudes being displayed on this blog so far are not conducive to opening communications. Each "side" (and yes, I'm sensing sides) feels the need to attack and/or defend...it's a lousy way to communicate.
I hope this can proceed a bit more openly from here.
Love you all,
Beckie
P.S. Jennie,
Talking about being "snippy"? That last line might have pushed it a bit...
Love Beckie
Yeah, I know, Beckie. Sorry. Look How Good We Are stories really get my goat. Chalk one up to the mistake column. :-)
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